


Take me as I am

by EarlGreyjoy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: andrew minyard vs ableism, but this as close to an exy based fic as ive ever writing, thats the plot essentially, the twins are both disabled, this is self indulgent and i dont care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 13:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19251763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarlGreyjoy/pseuds/EarlGreyjoy
Summary: I was going to make Neil meaner but I decided against it





	1. Chapter 1

“ ’Drew “ Aaron gripped him by the elbow with his good arm . he was visibly uncomfortable already cheeks flushed with shame cradling his bad arm to his chest like an animal with a wounded paw. Andrew hated how easily his brother was cowed by the world and he also hated the world for making him feel this way . “ I wanna go home”  
" Go home? We've only just got here.”  
“ This was a mistake, we shouldn't have come. “  
“ This was your idea . you wanted to come . you wanted to play this stupid game”  
“ -and now I want to go .Everybody’s staring at me – at us . I don’t like it ”  
“Pay them no mind. They’re just meat Aarie”  
“I – I don’t belong here – its not for – people like us.“  
“That’s what they want you to think . Fuck them. You have as much right to be here as any of these idiots”  
“ They think were freaks 'Drew.”  
“ No different from the rest of the world then ,why are you so upset ?"  
“can you just call Nicky , or get the car or , or do something ! I want to go home Andrew!"  
“we haven’t even started yet”  
“ ‘Drew ... please...”  
“Don’t use that word to me”  
“ I'm sorry .. I didn’t mean …I just .. Just get me out of here!”  
“we've done worse than this” said Andrew impassively “you didn’t have that look on your face then”  
“Its not the same . I cant do this. I don’t know why I thought I could . I cant!”  
“ you can . we can”  
“we can?”  
“Look at me. Breathe . "Andrew moved his hands to frame his brothers face. “ you came here to play so youre going to play. Im going to help you ,yes? Listen to me , youre not as popular as you think you are. I promise nobody here cares that much about you and your arm ,okay? And even if they did it wouldn’t matter . Theyre just meat, you hear me ?"  
"Theyre meat “ Aaron squeezed his arm  
“ Outta boy . so , Do I need to call Nicky?”  
“ Not yet. I want in”  
.” Good. Kevin owes me a favour- or two -and there really isn’t much competition. Just let me do the talking and you'll be fine. “  
He walked over to Kevin and Aaron shuffled nervously behind him . his uneven gait meant the short walk took a frustratingly long time . Aaron's legs were stronger than his own and he could’ve got there much quicker but he stayed back hiding as usual behind him. 

“ Hello ! just the man I was looking for! “Kevin swore under his breath just loud enough for Andrew to hear. “ heard you were looking for new recruits.”  
“You heard correctly . Got anyone in mind? Or have you come to try your luck “ kevin said in a mocking tone.  
Andrew laughed “ That'd be the day. Ive never exercised willingly in my life “  
“ It shows “ Kevin teased with a pointed stare at Andrews middle .  
Andrew scoffed back and then pushed his twin in front of him between him and Kevin. “you remember my brother Aaron?”  
Aaron panicking decided to fold his bad arm behind his back as if that could conceal it. “we've met .” Kevin said stiffly not taking his eyes off Andrew “ what do you want Andrew?.  
“ Me? I don't want anything . I'm here for him. Moral support and all that “ Andrew grinned at Kevin's confusion while Aaron fidgeted nervously “ my brother here , he wants to join your team …”  
kevin opened his mouth and then shut it again “ Him? "  
“Him.”  
“ Aaron?– but hes –“  
“ Hes what? Go on , say it. "  
“Umm ...”  
Andrew didn’t wait for Kevin's fumbling reply“ and continued " –you see here's the thing , hes gone all shy now because he thinks that you're not going to let him join? Hes embarrassed see? About his arm and all that you know how that feels, don’t you? He thinks that he has too many problems … but I told him thats not the case ‘cause every miserable fucker here has got problems of one kind or another , am I right?- I think I am – and surely you'd be the one to teach him, yes? Because if anybody knows how to play with just one good arm its you Kevin. That’s what I told him . “ Andrew's smile was stretched as wide as physically possible as kevin bit his lip.“ you're not really going to tell him no, are you? Look at his little face? Go on, be a pal! Let him try at least. It'd make you look good if nothing else ...and you're not exactly inundated with offers , are you now? may as well take what you can get, yes? What have you got to lose? Its not like your team could get any worse. you're already last . ” 

“ All right . Leave off . He can try out – but i'm not promising a position or anything . "  
Andrew patted his armband “ ive got a knife in here that’s says you are . “ he drew it from its secret sheath and ran it against his thumb. Kevins mouth twitched " you owe me , remember? ."

After a moment of tense silence kevin relented and said “ He can be a reserve”  
“ Is that good enough for you Aarie? “  
“No.” Aaron whispered.  
“ He says no. He wants more than that, don't you? “  
“I want to be .. a backliner . I can do it. I'm fast “  
“Try” said Kevin " show me what you can do."  
Aaron allowed himself a small smile . “I'm fast " he said again “ you'll see”

Andrew sat down heavily on the floor and began rummaging around in his bag. “ Kevin dug a medicine bottle from the bag's back pocket “ looking for these?”  
“ Nope! Not them . These bad boys!“ he pulled out the calipers one by one and began to meticulously strap them back on one leg at a time  
“what’re you doing ‘Drew? “ Aaron asked him  
“ Isn't it obvious? I’m putting my splints back on .”  
“why? Do your legs hurt?”  
“ Not right now but they might later “ both Aaron and Kevin sent him quizzical looks “ he laughed at their faces " ive had something of a change of heart , if you follow me . why should you lot have all the fun? Id like to play too! That’s not going to be a problem , is it?” he beamed up at Kevin and then turned the sly smile to his brother who understanding grinned back .


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron was leaning heavily into his side . he looked flushed and exhausted but was happier than he'd seen him in a long time " can you let me sit down " he barked it came out harsher than he intended .his brother let go of him and he sunk onto the bench. Andrew took his splints off and rubbed his legs “ fucking hell. I am never doing that again. Aaron grabbed his arm“ oh, no no . Don’t you dare try and talk me into it . once was enough “  
" Andrew - thank you "  
" what for?" he asked  
"Today . helping me"  
“ who said I was helping? I only did it to piss the ableds off "  
“ you did it for me ,so I wouldn’t have to face them alone . I know you did” said Aaron in a hushed voice " you dont trust them. "  
“ Interesting theory “ Andrew mused it over  
“ will you come with me again? next week?” Aaron asked hopefully “  
“ you're not expecting me to play with you again are you? That will not happen “  
“you don’t have to play. just... just be there for me “ In case something happens . he didn’t say that but he meant it.  
“As if id leave you alone with a bunch of able-bodied cretins “ he said gruffly  
Aaron grinned at him “did you have fun “  
“ No “ Andrew stonily” I think that was the least amount of fun ive ever had"  
“ youre an awful liar . you enjoyed it . I could tell "  
“ Did not . “ he objected  
“ well, I did . “ Aaron said excitedly “ im the fastest there did. you see? "  
“yeah yeah I saw " he said bored .  
“ Did you see the looks on their faces? . They couldn’t keep up with me" aaron bragged beaming  
“ must be nice “ Andrew replied drily.  
His brother shoved him bodily “ Aren't you proud of me “ he teased  
“ the things you put me through . you are the worst brother in the world . "  
" I didn't force you to join in"  
"you owe me ice cream whiskey and some new fucking legs"  
" would you settle for two out of three? "  
"forget the whiskey then" Aaron rolled his eyes and elbowed him 

He waved Nicky over seeing him arrive" take this one home before he falls into a coma" " i'm all right!"  
"sure .we believe you. Run along now"  
" Aren't you coming with us" Nicky asked  
" I'll be along . Got things to do first. Get me a sundae wont you . go on , shoo " 

nicky took Aaron's good arm and helped him back up " "The cars just outside . you can lean on me with you need to"  
" I can walk . im not Andrew " Andrew gave him a halfhearted push for that comment and he bumped against their cousin . Although he wasn't particularly bothered what was said about him by anyone he knew that Aaron would be upset if he had made a similar remark about his arm . 

he waited until his bothersome family were out of sight and went back to watch kevin who was still doing laps on his own  
he scowled at the shirt and then up at Kevin's face as he went past him “ of all the possible colours, orange?” kevin paused and regarded him with half annoyance and half fondness “reminds you of your juvie days, does it?”  
“shut your mouth”  
“did you put him up to this?"  
"Now , why would I do that ? Don’t kid yourself. It was his idea not mine. I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to be “  
"why’d you go along with it then? What are you plotting this time?  
“ such mistrust! . I’m not plotting anything. I did it for Aaron. Did you see how happy he looked? I want him to be happy. Nothing so strange about that is there? Don’t you want that for him? ”  
“ sure. I’m glad for him ”  
“Are you really though? tell me the truth now. Did you do it just because you pity him? Or because I threatened you?”  
kevin thought it over for a moment “No. ” he said. “he’s fast.”  
Andrew nodded “that’s one thing he does better than me ”  
“I didn’t think… ”  
"you didn’t think. Same as everyone else. my brother, hes pretty keen for me to stay with him you know. See, he doesn’t really care if I play or not . he only wants me here because he doesn’t want to run into any… Issues-if you know what I’m saying. ”  
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. I’ll look after him ”  
“ Don’t. he won’t like that at all. Let me handle Aaron”  
“ If that’s what you want ”  
"Treat him normal. Like you would the rest of those idiots. That’s all he wants–for people to stop acting like he’ll break . you understand, don’t you  
“yes”  
"We understand each other you and I. ”  
“yes."  
"so, im trusting you okay?"   
"Okay” kevin nodded knowing andrews trust was hard won  
you’re going to train my brother"  
"I’ll try. He’s good - well he could be- if -”  
•" Dont try . Do it .Train Aaron - and -" Andrew swallowed hard and said the words before he changed his mind “ and me”  
Kevin shook his head in disbelief "Now ,You’re something.”  
” A good something or a bad something?"  
“I don’t know yet. I’ve never known with you"  
"I guess you’ll have to wait and see"  
” I guess we will"  
“so you'll do it . "  
“Do I have a choice?"  
" Its for Aarie . were doing this for him . Thats all."  
"What about you?"  
"what about me?"  
" is this what you want Andrew?"  
"I dont want anything anymore."  
" Thats a lie"  
" Is it?"  
" you know it is . Tell me what you want"   
“Right now? A drink? ”  
Kevin sighed “me too. Can I take you to the bar?"  
” Are you asking me out Kevin day? “ he said smirking  
” Fuck off. “ he put one arm around Andrews shoulder" I meant because you can't…  
"I can't drive. or walk , so sad! And blah blah blah”  
“Are you drunk already?”  
“oh, I wouldn’t get wasted before a game . unlike some people "  
“low blow””  
“I have one more favour to ask you”  
“no.” said kevin  
“ you dont know what it is yet "


	3. Chapter 3

The room was suddenly not empty. There was no longer just him and Aarie in there. someone else was there .  
" I know youre there . I can hear you . might as well come out . " “ A skinny redhead darted into view . He gave the stranger a wide and hideous smile " its very rude to stare .” Andrew informed him cheerfully . he jumped down to the floor with a thud " especially in changing rooms dont you know?"  
" yes , no , I know , I wasnt staring at your -"  
" my legs?"  
" we're not finished in here " said aarie angrily" can you fuck off"  
" im sorry ." said the redhead skittishly" I didnt think anyone was still here " but he made no move to exit  
" we're slow . " said Andrew making aarie pull a face at him . " Did you come in to gawp at us changing or what? " Aaron snapped at the stranger . andrew could already tell his brother had taken a great dislike to the redhead  
" no no I thought it was empty . I thought everyone had gone -so I was hoping I could... use the showers" the redhead's face flushed to match his hair.  
Andrew laughed "here? why would you want to do that ? its disgusting in there"  
"homeless “ said aarie without looking at him  
” Is he right? " Andrew asked the redheaded stranger gleefully "Are you homeless ?“  
” well... not exactly …I might be… Temporarily…between dwellings."  
"At least we live somewhere” aarie grunted in reply  
The redhead despite claiming earlier that he hadnt been regarded andrews splinted legs with both interest and confusion "quit starring " andrew barked " if youve got something to say , say it ."  
"ive only seen from the magazines and from TV I -"  
"Let me guess .you want to know about the splints ,yes? " " what happened to your legs? " the stranger asked Andrew bluntly " why do you need those ?" aarie glared at the stranger furiously as if he had been the one asked " The fuck did you just say to him?, what is wrong with you ?"  
" it's just I've - "  
" - `Ive never seen anyone play with calipers on before," andrew mocked him doing an unflattering exaggerated impression of the redheads voice " - and isn't there some kinda rule against that ,huh ? shouldn't be allowed should it? sport is for able bodied people isnt it ? "  
" That wasn't what I was going to say!" the redhead objected  
"wasn't it, mr - all- my-limbs - work? Dont worry Im used to it. Thats what people like you always say "  
The redhead frowned at him "Are you Andrew minyard?" he asked  
" I am indeed. Guilty as charged "  
" I thought so".  
"what gave it away? This ? “he waved a hand across his smiling mouth “ or this ?” he banged the side of one splint with a fist.  
The redhead shook his head and pointed at his twin “ you called him Aarie “  
“ So I did, so I did. – but even if I hadn’t ,you knew it was me, didnt you?. " “ I saw you .. in the newspaper …"  
“ my trial you mean " he said casually “That was years ago. old news. Haven’t you got any more recent dirt on me? Im sure ive done something distasteful since then Did you know one time, me and Aaron here , you know what we did- we -"  
“ I was just saying -"  
"Are you trying to blackmail me, ? because if you are its not going very well im afraid "  
“ No , no I only meant - "  
“ Bad news “ he called to his brother “ this guy knows about our dark and tragic backstory"  
“ yeah?, him and the rest of the world " aarie mumbled unimpressed  
"can I talk to you?" The redhead pressed eagerly . Andrew lay down across the bench giving the impression he was not really listening . he was half hoping the redhead would leave and half hoping he wouldn't. Aaron was not in two minds about it and viewed that redhead as an intruder and an enemy. Andrew knew his brother was hoping that he would get rid of the redheaded stranger which usually he would, it was what was it expected of him especially as he was making aarie uncomfortable but there was something about his redhead that meant he was disinclined to that this time . "Can we talk about exy?” the redhead questioned almost timidly  
“ pick a different topic. " Andrew said lazily" I don’t really care about that”  
“ what do you mean you don’t care? How can you not care? ”  
“ Like this” Andrew showed him a blank expression “it’s very easy” he assured him “aarie's the one that likes it ” andrew indicated his twin who was engaged in the apparently impossible task of trying to open his beer “talk to him”  
Aarie hearing himself mentioned again looked up at him briefly “piss off . "he grumbled dismissively “m'busy”  
“ see ,this is why you don’t have any friends” he teased his brother .  
“I’m not trying to make friends . i'm trying to have a beer ” he frowned at the drink in his lap  
“keep trying! Maybe you'll get it open sometime this year”  
“Go to hell Andrew " he replied wearily “  
“ I saw you play. “ The redheaded interjected looking between the two of them “ you two are good  
” Of course we’re good . " said andrew flatly "Did you think they signed us because they felt sorry for us , hmm? “  
"How did you manage to join the team “ Andrew raised this eyebrows "I didn’t mean - I was only asking because I  
"I asked Kevin very nicely “ Andrew replied coldly.  
” you know Kevin?"  
“we have that displeasure yes”  
“maybe you could talk to him?”  
“ About?"  
"me”  
“why would I talk to him about you?”  
“I want to join as well"  
” Oh, I see, so that’s what this is "

“are you any good?” Aaron asked him moodily  
“At exy? I’m good I’ve trained with the -"  
” At opening things? “ aaron held the dented but unopened beer can out. He opened the can in one smooth move and Aaron pouted at him and then took a swig from it” you’re welcome “ said the redhead sharply.  
Aaron ignored him and turned to Andrew ."hurry up. I’m starving . “  
” Don’t you tell me to hurry up. I’m not the one who spent the last twenty minutes failing to open a drink. you could’ve done that in the car and we’d be home by now"  
“ No , we wouldn’t because you still have no shoes on”  
“ Fuck shoes. My bastard feet are killing me ”  
“ Don’t be stupid . put your shoes on. Theres broken glass around here – and who knows what else “  
“you can talk aarie . Laces ”  
Aaron groaned . “ Again?” one thing that the twins agreed on was their hatred of footwear and all things related. “Let me ." andrew said moving to sit next to him. “ Back off ‘Drew. I can tie my own damn shoelaces" he grouched  
“ He cant ." Andrew told the redhead amused by how much it bothered Aaron " he just folds them inside the shoe "  
“ shut up! “ Aaron snarled turning a bright shade of pink . Andrew half expected the redhead to tease his brother about this but perhaps he gathered the embarrassment it caused Aaron because instead he asked gently if he could do up the shoes for him . aarie looked mortally offended by the offer .“ No! I said I don’t need help “  
“Do you have cramp?” Andrew asked Aaron watching his many unsuccessful attempts to to tie the shoelaces. “ I always have cramp “ he said shoving the untied laces under the tongue of his shoe “ I knew you'd do that” Andrew murmured earning an angry look from aarie “ its no good for your feet you know . why do you even wear shoes with laces if you cant tie them? " “ im not going to wear Velcro . im not six “ Andrew pulled him back up by his good arm and then indicated his own shoes “ Velcro “  
"Thats not what I meant . its different with you"  
"Different how?""  
"can we just go? Nickys waiting"  
” he’s hardly going to leave without us, is he?"  
Andrew turned his attention back to the redhead "what did you say your name was?"  
“uhh -I didn’t actually. " he stammered . "My name is … Neil. Are you going to talk to Kevin”  
“I'll think about it- but not right now - right now ,we’re going for ice cream. Hey , Why don’t you come with us? we could all get to know one another , wouldnt that be fun , huh? ”  
“umm” the redhead , Neil , hesitated  
“ we’re not contagious , You're not going to catch it ”  
“catch what?"  
“whatever it is that you think we have. You’re wrong, by the way ”  
“How do you know that I am wrong?"  
” People are always wrong about it“  
"It’s not that.. Its…”  
“ you got somewhere else to be? ”  
“I guess not”  
“Then come on. Nicky won’t mind ”  
“why did you do that? ” aarie grouched at him “we don’t even know him. He could be anybody”  
“He could be. Thats why .I think he might be interesting.”  
“I hate everyone you think is interesting” his brother complained.  
“I’m aware of that. ”  
“ I swear Interesting is just your word for a fucking asshole"  
” maybe it is maybe it isn’t. We’ll see"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make Neil meaner but I decided against it


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey " Nicky greeted them " There you are . When the rest left and you werent there I was about to send a search party? Are you okay? you didnt overdo it did you? "  
"we're fine. aar got a cramp and couldnt do his shoes up and then decided he wanted a drink but he couldnt do that either "  
" no - thats not why we're late- I "  
" Oh the shoes again " said nicky sympathetically " Its okay to get help with them aar . you dont have to be embarrassed "  
" I can do my shoes just fine Nicky Aaron insisted "  
" he shouldnt be wearing them"Andrew told his cousin ". its no good. Get him some with easy use straps"  
" He picked those himself!"  
" shut up about my shoes " aaron grumbled " theyre fine!"  
"so shoes aside did you two have a good time today ? - oh" nicky watched the redhead following them to the car "Whos your friend?" 

"This is neil" Andrew introduced the redhead to his cousin "  
"Hello" said nicky cheerfully " I know it doesnt look it but im nicky- andrew and aarons cousin- and im also their chauffeur. " he laughed "they wont let either of these behind a wheel " The twins gave him matching scowls but didnt protest when he took their hands to help them into the car "Its nice to meet you . " neil said with stiff politeness  
“ we havent met before . Are you friends with the goblins?"  
" Im ..new to the area. theyre showing me around" " hmm, thats seems suspiciously nice for them. Did you promise them free sweets? "  
"He was watching us - " Aaron began furiously  
"Watching us play " Andrew finished for him before he could say something incriminating " He wants to join our team. we were giving him some tips , weren't we aar?" he elbowed his brother slightly . aaron grunted noncommittally but still seemed unhappy about it " Hes coming with us for dinner "  
nicky nodded " okay doke .Hop in then " 

Andrew only pulled the crip card at times when it was useful to him - like in the car- he used it to end up sitting up front with nicky -because of his legs of course - while aar was banished to the cramped back seat . he regretted his choice today though as it meant it left neil sitting across from an angery aarie where he could see neither of them properly . If it came to a fight either with words or fists he was certain that aar would come off worse.  
Aaron was usually enthusiastic when they came back and bored them with endless exy chatter today though he propped himself up against the window and glowered out the glass saying nothing at all even when nicky asked him about the day. he curled himself right into the corner as if to get as far away from Neil on his opposite side as he possibly could.  
“whats up with aarie today “ nicky asked andrew half amused half concerned “ Hes even grumpier than usual. Did he score an own goal or something?"  
“hes jealous because I made a friend" Andrew informed him brightly  
“hes not your friend . hes not anyones friend”  
"Really? " Andrew turned to the redhead in the back pretending to be hurt by this statement " Are we not friends? Did i not invite you for dinner?”  
"hes a hobo" aaron said viciously "probably one of them that eat road kill"  
" Speak for yourself " Neil growled  


"Aar doesnt seem to like your friend very much" nicky remarked with the same mix of humour and concern  
"He doesnt like anyone very much. His best friend is a pot plant. "  
" Thats not true . “ aaron objected” I have friends!"  
" sure Aarie. youve got so many friends , like that imaginary girlfriend of yours ,hmm?"  
" she not imaginary . shes real!"  
"Oh yeah? Then how come ive never met her ,huh?"  
" - because i know you’d be an asshole to her is why"  
" - because she is not real - you think shes real huh, Neil ? You think my dear brother here got an actual girl to go out with him? Seems fake, doesn’t it ?"  
" I couldnt say " Neil answered honestly but laughed under his breath at the expression on aarons face  
" Dont you laugh at me " he grumbled " I didn’t make it up . I bet you dont have a girlfriend"  
" youd be right about that" Neil said snickering  
" Nicky , have you met her ? this supposed girlfriend of his?" andrew pressed" Ever even seen a picture of her?"  
"well - no, but -"  
" but nothing. Theres no proof she exists if there was why would he keep it from us hm?“ aaron kicked the seat angrily “ aw dont worry Aar . we wont tell anybody about your fake relationship. itll stay between the four of us . were all friends here, arent we "  
"Kates not fake . Ill tell you whats fake - Him! " he pointed a finger accusingly at neil " you dont even know who he really is Andrew"  
" Thats why we're having dinner . To get to know each other . im sure our redheaded friend has something interesting to tell us- and if doesn’t then he can pay the bill"  
“I didn’t agree to that. “ neil said startled “ I don’t have any money  
“ You best be entertaining then- I do hope im not wrong about you. I hate being wrong ”  
" Are you sure this is good idea ?" nicky asked him  
"I wont let anything happen. it wont be like last time i promise , trust me . You can trust me , cant you?" nicky thought and then sighed and nodded  
" Good good "  
" you want the usual? " nicky asked Andrew as they reached the ice cream parlour . he nodded and waited for nicky to help him out the car.  
" just vanilla for me" Aaron murmured getting out the opposite side keeping his distance from Neil  
Aaron was not as a big fan of ice cream as Andrew himself was but he too had settled on it as the comfort food of choice because it was easy to eat one handed. Aaron hated having to use his bad arm especially in public  
"Aar go hold us a table " nicky addressed his brother as the entered building . he sped off down the stairs towards the seating area  
" Ready?" nicky asked holding his arm out, Andrew held his own arm out in reply and let Nicky help him down the stairs and towards the table . Andrew bit his lips to stop the medication induced grin rising. He refused to smile at his own frailty . As he sat down he held his head up and stared shameless up at Neil daring him to make an ignorant comment on this much to Andrews relief he didnt.

Andrew saw Aaron stumble in front of him and miss the handrail. Neil grabbed at Aaron to stop his fall and then tried to guide him the same way Nicky had done with him . In an the attempt to steady him Neil pulled him by his bad arm. Aaron flinched but said nothing. he looked at the carpet and allowed the redhead to drag him by the bad side towards the table where Andrew sat at  
Nicky had gone to the bar to order drinks so Andrew voiced his brothers discomfort knowing that he wouldn’t. " Dont do that "  
“ Don’t do what?” neil said confused pulling the chair out for aaron and roughly shoving him into it make aaron gasp out of discomfort and wrenched the arm away . he held it close to his chest the way he always did when he was distressed  
“Don’t grab aaron like that . " Andrew clarified “ he doesn’t like it”  
“ I didn’t hurt him “ neil said affronted. “ Hes fine”  
" You held him on the left side. That’s his bad side . Don’t touch him there .He hates that”  
“he was falling "  
“ He always falls .” said andrew unconcerned “ Thats what we do . we are unstable . we fall down . it happens. he'll live "  
“ I was only trying to help " Neil said irritated  
“Well don’t .If he wanted help he would’ve asked . he can talk"  
“ yet your speaking for him”  
Andrew rolled his eyes and addressed his brother "you dont like being grabbed do you aar?"  
"I dont like being grabbed" aaron confirmed

Fine . next time ill let you fall on your face – and doubtless youd yell at me for that. You two are ridiculous ”  
“ maybe but at least we know boundaries “

The twins were adapt by now at ignoring the stares and whispers and the pointing fingers and It was a common occurrence for the three of them when they were out but Neil seemed unsettled by the attention and the three of them accompanied by bedraggled redhead was only fuelling the fire. “im not sure I like this place. people looking at me “ Neil said distressed “ they watching me “ he fidgeted in his seat and eyed the exit  
“ .They're not watching you . they're watching us.  
" why?"  
" Why do you think idiot ? " “of course .you're not exactly helping" " Aaron grouched at him " youre making us look suspicious. I want to able to eat in peace for once . apparently that’s to much to ask hey ‘drew? " “ cool it aar . youre so crabby today. Maybe you need one of these?“ he shook the medicine bottle before taking one “ fuck off “aaron murmured Andrew chucked a menu at neil” choose quick. if we don’t get food soon im going to collapse . "  
Neil scanned the menu disinterested " I dont like ice cream "  
Andrew made a scoff of disbelief " I dont care . we're not going anywhere else. choose. "

"Theyre meat “ said aaron quietly catching neils eye  
“ im sorry ?" Neil stared at Aaron quizzically and then at menu  
“ I mean the people .That’s what Andrew says. When people stare . That theyre just meat”  
“Does it bother you" neil asked him  
“ No - not anymore – that is - at least -not as much – it used to but - “ Aaron stumbled through the lie  
“ it bothers him . “ Andrew snapped " why wouldnt it? it bothers you and there isnt even anything wrong with you"  
“I wouldnt say that exactly " Neil told him" but yes it bothers me too .I prefer to blend in "  
andrew shrugged and shook his head "truth is people like us dont get a choice in that. people dont care what you prefer they think youre public property and its their right to say whatever they will"  
" I know what thats like"   
" excuse me but I dont believe you do know what thats like Mr all my limbs work properly " Andrew dismissed him  
" Ive got scares. people stare at me as well neil insisted "  
" you think thats the worst it gets ? andrew laughed bitterly" He pointed over his shoulder " see him in red ? He recognises me. Hes wondering if its true what that say ,whether im really a psycho as well as a spaz whether he wants his brats in the same space as us ." he turned around" her over there ?" she once asked nicky if he was our carer wanted to know if paid well - " he pointed to towards the bar "That one waitress up there ? she likes to use her toddler voice on us , Just last week The barman once asked why we were here without our parents . Thought we were lost kids. " he shrugged slightly" Thats just in this place right now . That is what its like for us , a hundred times over, all day every day .- Then of course theres you , mr- whats wrong - with your -legs , thinking its okay to pull Aaron around like that without asking him first ,very tactless if i may so . "  
" I wasnt trying to- "  
" _ be a bigot?"  
" Listen , I dont have an issue with your... leg thing. I dont know why you keep insisting that I do "  
"Maybe because you just called it a "leg thing" "  
" i dont see what the big deal is here. "  
" Of course you dont. " Aaron said and shared a knowing look with his brother "and whats worse is i dont think you care "  
" I dont see why this matters. its just people saying the wrong thing"  
"its more than that to us " andrew confirmed " its not just words. you said you understood but clearly you dont . Did you know I hate liars?”br " why do I need to know this though? you said youd help me with the exy team  
" I am helping you! " andrew said " kevins one of us, see? Didnt think of that ,did you? He likes to think he can still pass abled but its not exactly as subtle as he would like you see? . so you want to get anywhere with him you'd best not be asking about his "arm thing" you understand me now? "  
" Right"  


andrew paused as the ice cream arrived and ate his sundae with out talking for a while before saying " Look , I like you ,i do , aar doesn't but we can work on that in time. He loves exy see? if you stop being prat hell tell you everything he knows .we're going to help you get on the team like you want but you have do what i say, okay? "he didn't wait for neils answer but then continued" eat the ice cream before it melts ,wont you? or else let me have it" before going back to eating his own.


	5. Chapter 5

“ whats up with Aaron ?” nicky cornered him almost as soon as he got home  
“ How do you mean?” he asked  
“ hes been acting weird . you mustve noticed”  
“ my brother is weird .youve only just noticed?.”  
“This isn’t standard aaron weird . this is weird- weird Is something going on with him? Did something happen? Is he getting sick ?  
“ you could always ask him yourself you know . " andrew suggested "Aaron does know how to speak. he talks to his plants enough."  
“I tried that already he wont talk to me or anything . if you knew something was up you would tell me , wouldn’t you? I wouldn’t be angry . I just need to know.  
“ Hes just in a mood is all . Let him have his little tantrum .itll blow over . “  
“I just worry about you two you know “ Nicky said gently " youre important to me . I want you to be okay. More than okay i want you to be happy"  
“ you used to be more fun before you decided to play parent . we used to have fun ,the three of us”  
“im still fun!" he said nicky mock offended ." We still have fun , don’t we?”  
“you never take us to edens anymore!"  
“ That because youre banned from the there , remember ?"  
“ Still? “  
“ still. "  
“ Oh man. Its not like I actual killed those assholes "  
Did you take your pills today ?” nicky asked the dreaded question.  
Andrew groaned “ why? am I acting weird and all? “ he growled “ im going to bed “

 

“where were you?” Aaron pressed following him into his room  
“why am I getting the third degree this evening?”  
“where did you go?” Aaron asked again  
“ out.” Said Andrew  
“ Out where ?” his brother pestered " you didnt call me"  
“ Just out , dad “  
“ you were with him weren’t you?” Aaron said miserably” you said youd help me today. With my art project  
“ was that meant to be today? " He pretended to be shocked " oh dear silly me . I forgot "  
“ bullshit Andrew. you don’t forget things. You didn’t want to help me ,did you ? you wanted to go and flirt with mr ableism – you could’ve just told me that I could’ve got someone else to help – someone reliable - hes still here, isn’t he?”  
“ who? our redheaded friend? hes on the sofa “  
“Does he have to stay with us?” Aaron grumbled “ after everything he said?”  
“it wont be forever . just for now . I know you don’t like him”  
“I cant you tell him to go away? Like right now? Go tell him to get out of our house or youll stab him in the guts ”  
“ I could do that – but I don’t really want to Aarie. See , I already took my splints off and -"  
“ I don’t want him in our house!”  
“ Calm down. Hes not going to hurt you”  
“ Hes probably going to rob us “ he murmured  
“ As if we have anything worth stealing “ Andrew scoffed  
“ I don’t like him ‘drew“  
“you’ve told me this before .Want to tell me why?"  
“I don’t like him. That should be enough . Get rid of him. ”  
“sit down” Andrew ordered  
“ what?” aaron said startled  
“ sit. “ aaron slowly sat down on the side of the bed “ Good. Now talk. you’ve been off all day . whats the matter?”  
“ you used to be my protector. You used to look out for me” he mumbled wounded  
“ I still am. Ill always look out for you aar”  
“ you used to get rid of anyone I didn’t like ,.you used to do that for me “  
“ oh yes, that’s why I have no friends now”  
“ except kevin  
“ He doesn’t count . “ andrew insisted  
“ I think he counts and what about renee ?”  
Stop changing the subject. Tell me your issue with neil .  
“He could be dangerous “  
“That’s not it. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you or nicky okay ? you know I wouldn’t.”  
“ I don’t like being called names”  
“ come on aar. Tell me the truth “  
“ That is the truth and hes so – ignorant – about our disability stuff and-  
“ No , I know you . I know theres more to it than that . out with it now  
“ promise you wont get mad ?” he said nervously  
“ aaron , what the fuck ? “

“ Are you really going to tell kevin about him “ aaron blurted out  
andrew shrugged “ maybe . it worked for you didn’t it”  
“ you cant! I don’t want him on the team ‘drew “  
He raised his eyebrows “ whys that then? Because he hurt your feelings, hmm? “  
“ Hes fast “ said aaron pained “ hes good at exy  
“ Oh no! the horror! They cant possible have someone that actually good could they”.  
Aaron drew his knees up to his chest“ Be serious “  
“ okay ill be serious. explain it to me. Why is this a problem?”  
“ im fast! Being fast is my thing. Exy is my thing .”  
“oh, I see.”  
“ im fast “ Aaron repeated it like a mantra “ see , that’s what they need me for .you cant tell kevin about neil . They wont want me if they can have him instead . They’ll replace me. you cant ruin this for me Andrew”  
“ I wouldn’t let that happen to you I promise .“  
“I only want to play exy! That’s not too much to ask ,is it ”  
“ of course not “  
“I thought I could have something . something that I was good at . something that made me special you know .something that made me people envy me instead of pity me - I thought exy could be that something “  
“ – but?” Andrew prompted  
“ Its him .hes better than me . hes faster and he didn’t have to try at all . he didn’t have to fight to even be allowed to play. It isnt not fair. Its just not fair!”  
“ hey now, hes not better than you hes just had more practice . its not the same . youll get better in time  
“ I want to be better right now ! I want to have something . something that’s mine”  
“ you’ve still got something .you good and you know it – kevin knows it too . he wouldn’t replace you –“  
“ why do they hate us so much ? our lives are already hard why do they have go and make it harder? Why cant we do anything normal? Why does it always to have be like this?”  
“ – shh. its going to be okay . itll work out . Trust me”  
“ were you going now ? “ aaron asked he left the bedroom “Andrew? “

“ you” he said sharply entering the lounge trying to hide how much just going down the stairs without the splints on had taken out of him “ we need to talk “  
Neil sat up “ Did I say something wrong again? Can it wait until tomorrow? Im so tired Andrew “  
“ we're going to talk about exy “ said Andrew  
“ Okay,”  
“ you’ve played before ,yes? I mean properly. you’ve played on a team? you've played a whole match?"  
“yes”  
“ what positions have you played?”  
“ I was a – “ Neil started  
“ Ever been a striker ? Andrew interrupted  
“ No …I was – "  
“ Do you want to be? “  
“ what?”  
“ would you like to be a striker ? yes or no?”


	6. Chapter 6

“ You want the monster twins to play on Friday?” Dan seemed sceptical“ are you sure ?  
“ im sure. We need extra people to make up numbers and so far no one else has offered. So its them or we pull out , okay?  
" Look ,I dont mind them training with us but a game is a different matter"  
"They can handle it"  
“ – Both of them?” she frowned  
“ Why not both?  
“we could mitigate for one of them? But both at the same time?"  
“They go together . you know that. "  
aarons fast ive seen him. " said matt kevin nodded " but can he even hold a Racket with his arm .. like that? "  
“ He manages just fine."  
“ its no good. Those two are cripples its no good " seth grumbled "plus theyre tiny -and at at least one of them is bonkers if not both"  
“ Theres no need for name calling " said Renee pointedly  
"Im just saying. theyve got problems"  
“and you’ve got no problems at all I suppose " said kevin icily  
“ Isnt there anyone else ?“ seth asked  
“ surely he wouldn’t consider letting the monsters play with us if the was anyone else. " said allison primly  
“ I think they have potential “ said kevin stiffly  
“Yeah , potential to be a disaster"  
“ I don’t think so . They’ve got strengths and weaknesses same as anybody else. Its nothing we cant work around"  
“ you think? Theyre aren’t exactly the obvious choice “  
“ No ,but it doesn’t mean they cant do it . They could be good for us.  
“ could be? Have they ever actually played before?" Allison demanded  
“ its not fair to them kevin . They wont keep up with rest of us ." said Dan firmly " It would be embarrassing for them"  
“ you don’t know that ."  
“ you know how they are. Aaron always looks hes about to collapse and Andrew can barely walk. He couldn’t even get off the bus by himself . what if one of them of gets hurt? what do we do then?"  
“ them we sub them out same as if anyone else got hurt."  
“ We’d get sued " she said angrily " you think we can afford that?"  
“ It wont come to that.” 

“ I think theyre be all right . “ said renee softly “ Theyre Tougher than they look ".  
“ This year was supposed our year .How we supposed to get better with those two on the roata ? " allison complained  
“ Maybe you all could start taking this more seriously " kevin offered  
" we are! thats why we think its a bad idea to involve the twins ."  
They can still come to practice" dan said  
" and go nowhere with it?"  
" Theyre not going to manage. its all well for you say but im the one whos going to have to deal with it when they get hurt .  
" IF they get hurt. "  


“" Alright . IF they get hurt - which is likely - it could be very bad PR and we get enough bad press as it is.”  
" It could be very good Publicity if it pays off . which it will . I believe in them and they trust me to trust them fairly 

"I am treating them fairly . you cant give them more than they can deal with .you cant treat them like the rest of us like theyre able bodied"  
“ why not? That’s what they want ."  
“ youre going to push them too hard . Theyre going to break"  
“ Like I did?  
“ I didn't mean it like that. I'm not trying to be unkind its just ... im worried .. The way they are … It could be unsafe . For them and for anyone else. It’s a risk. you must see that kevin "  
“ Having a female captain was a risk"  
" This is not the same . this is about safety,if they want to play that’s okay . they still can . theres a programme that does sport for disabled people – it isn’t fair to put them at this level "  
“ Going to tell them that are you? Im sure they’ll take it gracefully"  
“aren’t you concerned at all" Dan asked kevin  
“ Not especially . They could get hurt yes but so could anyone .I wouldn’t be saying this if I thought they couldn’t do it . I wouldn’t give them false hope . im not that much of an asshole ."  
“you want to take them Friday ? this friday?  
“they wont play yet but ill take them with us so they can learn how it works for the future  
“ youre sure about this ? about recruiting them? Youre not going to change your mind?  
“positive . unless anyones got any other suggestions ?" this was a brief silence "I thought not "  
“ you cant change your mind later “ said renee “ youre going to do this you have have to commit to this . we all do .you cant replace them later on if theyre not as good as you thought .it would crush them  
“ I know that . I dont mind working extra with them. it will pay off in the long run

“ Well im not sure about this “ allison remarked “ those two aren’t right and I don’t mean just physically either . you’ve all heard the rumours."  
“ Theyre only rumours” said renee “ it doesn’t prove anything "  
“ what about physically though ? weve got proof enough of that. so Aarons fast - but what about Andrew and those wobbly legs of his?  
“ Hes strong in the arms . He can be in goal . Plus Renee gets on with him so she can help him out . "  
" he puts on this whole front acting like hes the toughest guy in the world but hes very frail you know "  
"Hes survived this far “ said Renee  
Allison shook her head. "Its not worth the gamble .Hes not going to last . hes not strong enough neither of them are. Dan agrees with me "  
" Not going to last“ what ? " matt was surprised " is their thing terminal then? Is that why you to do this for them?”  
“ I mean hes not going last on the pitch. " Allison clarified "One knock he'll be in a chair for the rest of the season . how would that make us look ? and we'll be short a player . or more likely two since Aaron wont do anything with his brother holding his hand .Then we'll be right back where we started . Not to mention this medication for his we'd all have plan around -I heard it make him manic and -"

“ Hed kill you for saying that you know “ said a voice behind kevin . he looked to see aaron in the doorway. He looked like he was about to cry. Kevin wondered how much hed heard “ Hes not weak . Hes not frail . How could you say that? Hes so strong . you don’t understand how strong he is .why do you think hes on them pills? – because of people like you who cant handle the way he is!”  
“ Aaron – why don’t you come sit with us? " kevin offered to him " we can talk about this together ."  
“ Aaron shook his head “ whats the point ? you’ve made your minds in your little meeting you didnt invite us to .You don’t want us ”tears streamed down his face and he didnt stop them.  
“ Its not that we don’t want you its–"  
“ I don’t care . I didn’t want to be on this stupid team anyway – and neither did Andrew . he was only doing it because I didnt want to be alone with you bunch of assholes “ with that he ran from the room


	7. Chapter 7

andrew was sat on the flat roof with his back to kevin and his legs dangling over the edge . He was dangerous close to the side. kevin approached carefully and quietly as to not startle him for he feared he would go over . He was concerned also that Aaron was not with his brother which seemed to indicate that perhaps he had not gone home ,  
" I thought youd be up here." he said softly .Andrew turned slightly and gave him a blank look. He had a knife in one hand and a cigarette in the other  
" we are not talking . turn around . or keep walking ." he indicated the ledge "  
" you know smoking stunts your growth?" kevin offered. Andrew flicked his lighter in response  
kevin sat down next to him " get away from me " Andrew growled . kevin ignored that "get away" or ill cut your throat "  
kevin moved over but only slightly " where is Aaron? ?"  
" Aaron? Oh, I murdered him . because im insane. "  
"where did you leave the body then?" asked kevin without missing a beat  
" He doesn't come everywhere with me you know. we're not conjoined "  
"Is he okay? "  
" Dont pretend you care about him, or me. "  
" Im not pretending ."  
" Did you hurt him?"  
"I didnt do anything to him "  
" You mustve done something .What did you say to him? ive havent seen him cry like that since his mother died ”  
Kevin sighed” We weren’t trying to upset him “  
" `we' ? so you were all in on it , were you , ? six against one . sounds fair "  
" It wasnt like that "  
” No? He seemed to think so. How was it then , Go on . Enlighten me? “  
" He was excited "  
" whats wrong with that? "  
” He wanted to play on Friday “ kevin explained " The team werent keen on it. Thats why he got upset. He ran off before i could explain to him that - "  
“- Why can’t he play? He’s fast, you said so yourself . Why wont you give him a chance? If someone else was as fast as aar is but had no medical probelms would you still bench them?”  
"well.."  
" would you or would you not?"  
"It’s not that simple."  
"Its seems fairly simple to me"  
” It’s not just about speed though” kevin continued “ He’s not ready “  
“Then get him ready”  
” Its too soon .He’s got no experience . “  
“He’s not going to get any experience without ever playing is he ,genius ?"  
” He won’t go without you “ said kevin awkwardly  
“-and you don’t think I’m up to it.” Andrew concluded. " you think im going to drag you down "  
” I didn’t say that “  
“you implied it” Kevin started to argue “ he told me as much . I thought you were on our side "  
" I am- " kevin started  
andrew chuckled " you dont think strong enough ? you of all people ?You dont respect me anymore, is that the way of it ? you dont need me? im just some sad little psycho you feel sorry for , hmm?"  
" im sorry if you got that impression but - "  
“its not me you should apologise to. I’m not bothered. I dont care about your sport or your team. I care about my brother . you can bench me if you like but you cant do that to Aaron . you know how much it means to him. You promised him he could play with you, did you not promise him that ?”  
” I didn't mean straight away. " kevin gestured helplessly "He’s hardly trained at all. How long did you train before you first played?"  
“I didn’t "  
"you did train?" kevin stared in disbelief  
"I didn’t play. " Andrew clarified " aar did a few times but I’ve never played a proper game before. They would never let me- because of my legs . I played with nicky and aarie in our back garden . I started training with Aaron because he felt safer when i was there with him. thats all . "  
”It’s better this way. If we start with him he’ll get tired  
" Seriously? He'll get tired? Thats all youve got ? ." You just don’t want walking out there for everyone to see. You want him out the way. They already got a token crip and its you  
"im not -"  
" sure kevin . youre not disabled . you not crippled like us. Thats what you tell yourself , isnt it.? That you're still better than us . That you can still do the things that we cant? Like play exy. Thats why you dont want aaron to play You don’t like looking at him ,do you?- because its too close. Him and that arm of his " he pointed with the knife at kevins own weaker arm" - it reminds you of yourself – of what you are now – you hate that. You're one of us now and you dont like it one bit"  
“ Im the same as I always was”  
“If you say so "  
" Its the others that werent convinced .Im not against aaron playing - or you if you want to. “exy is everyone and anyone"  
” sentimental nonsense “Andrew hummed.   
” it’s what my mother used to say."  
“you can’t pull that card on me I’ve got a dead mother as well. Or at least Aaron used to call her mother .I didnt think she deserved that title .She used to say things too"  
” what kind of things"  
“She didn’t want a disabled kid .much less two. She didn't think we'd live . in fact I rather think she was banking on that. she died and we didnt . inspirational , no?"  
“that’s not very inspiring."  
"On the contrary. spite is an excellent motivator . you remember how it felt when they said youd never play again? kevin nodded " and did you listen ? "  
"No "  
" No . because you love this stupid game too much . Do you not think Aaron feels the same ? Do you think he wants to be told no when he saw how far you went to get back on the court? Do you believe it? that exy is for everyone?  
"yes."  
" Then help him . If the sport is not accessible make it accessible. you understand what I mean ? "  
" I know what you mean."  
" you wont let me down , will you? - because if you hurt my brother again you wont live to regret it "  
"we're still down on numbers "  
" I thought you'd say that . ive already planned for that see? you can have our redheaded friend . Hes an ex raven like you so youll like him , or hate him , whatever I dont care. Hes good . and able bodied ."  
"if " kevin paused " if i went along with this -i havent said i would yet - but if I did Ill going to need help  
" You wont . youll have me . unless of course you think im too weak? Think about it - but dont take too long - Aaron wants to play . –Excuse me now" he got up and shoved passed kevin "I have to go . see if I stay still for too long my legs might just give up don’t you know?then youd have to put me in a wheelchair – how very humiliating for us both . we wouldn’t want that , would we now? “  
“ It wasn’t me that said that Andrew Id never -"  
“ maybe I should go and put Aaron to bed – hes probably soo very tired by now dont you think? he might even have passed out ! imagine that "


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron saw the man coming too late and wasn’t able to get out of the way in time .  
“ what the hell?” the man exclaimed as he collided with Aaron knocking him backwards to the ground “ watch where you're going! Are you retarded or something?"  
“ yeah” Aaron said rubbing his side “ so why don’t you watch where you're going “ he snapped . He heaved himself back up using the wall for support .  
The man got alarmed watching his struggle to get back upright “Are you all right kid? . Did you hurt your arm?"  
Aaron sighed deeply . “No Its not hurt . " The man stared at the way he held his bad arm at an awkward angle  
" It doesnt look normal . "  
" No, I know. you dont have to tell me how weird I look "  
"If youre hurt you can say. Dont be an idiot "  
" I am an idiot. We established that when you pushed me over"  
" Look kid , if you dont want help because youre in some kind of trouble..."  
Aaron rolled his eyes " My arm is always like this . See, I ...we ... me and my brother both have this condition where .. part of our brains got damaged so the muscles in our limbs ... The muscles in limbs they cant ..." he cut short the awkward rambling explanation because the man didnt seem be listening and was instead studying his face with renewed interested“ I know you, don’t I? Haven’t we met before ? “ He frowned “ you're one of those twins, aren’t you ? Aaron groaned internally . youre Andrews brother “  
Aaron sighed again “ I have a name! “ he insisted “It irked him but secretly he was glad he had been called “Andrew brother” and not Andrew “Aaron “ he said when it became clear that the man didn’t seem to know what it was “ Aaron. minyard . who the hell are you?"  
“David wymack . what are doing in here , Aaron minyard ? "  
“ Hiding ." He admitted.  
“ From who? " wymack asked suspicious.  
“ Everyone . " he whispered .  
“ Any particular reason ? "  
“ you wouldn’t be interested."  
“ I am interested . wheres that roguish brother of yours, hmm? is this a new plot of his ? Sent you as a distraction , did he? Whats he up to ? on the rob again Ill bet”  
“. Can you leave me alone? Im not having a good day . I couldn’t care less what Andrews doing right now . whatever it is its nothing to do with me . - “he broke off and wiped his face still wet from tears “ Go away “  
“ youre on my property son . you go away . what are doing in here anyway? youre not on the team "  
aaron visably flinched at that statement “I - we - im not doing anything "  
“ Oh yeah? How about trespassing? “  
“ – I was only watching “  
“watching for your brother?”  
“ I told you Andrews not here. If you must know hes in therapy . or at least he should be . maybe he isnt. thats not my fault though . what my brother does is not my fault "  
"Not what I asked. " said wymack calmly " why are you here?"  
"im only here because – Kevin said that I could - be here- sometimes he - lets us "  
"Then why are you hiding?"  
"I was ..I was crying, okay? he said turning a bright shade of pink " They called us names and I cried. Andrew hates when I do that . Its weakness Andrew says. It disgusts him. Andrew says we cant afford weakness we've got enough of that in our bodies already. we cant show them theyre right to think that about us. I only wanted -“  
“ you only wanted…?”  
Aaron let his shoulders sag in disappointment “ They wont let me play . im just as good as they are honestly but they don't want me. Its my arm “ he regarded the limb mournfully “They don’t have enough players but I guess theyd rather not qualify than let me join. ” his eyes stung threatening further tears but he bit them back .He couldnt cry in public twice in one day Andrew wouldn’t like that at all . he should be stronger than this .He should be better.  
He'd faced worse surely?  
wymack shifted “ you look cold . How long you’ve been there?"  
Aaron gritted his teeth and tried to stop his bad arm from moving . “ No -its a spasm -its fine . this happens a lot ." he mumbled. He wondered if this could get any more humiliating.  
" come with me"  
Aaron backed up " no - thanks - I shouldnt -"  
" you cant stay in here. "  
" No ,I know - I just - I don’t want them to see me .They'll only make fun of me . "  
“ come inside . “ wymack ordered “ At least then I can keep an eye on you. Im not having you lurk around here up to mischief .  
Aaron shook his head “ ill go” he slipped up in the haste to leave and found himself on the ground once again . he couldn’t hide all of the gasp that escaped his lips as he landed heavily .  
“ Get here you .youre going to knock yourself out at this rate” Aaron backed away nervously “ what , do you think im going to murder you ? There'd be too many witnesses “ 

He followed wymack under duress he half expected to see his brother there grinning at him but of course andrew was not there who was there was a youngish woman with bright kind eyes in nurses scrubs . "Found another stray David? " Aaron scowled at her  
" Im not a stray and I dont need medical help . " He insisted " I told you Im not hurt - Its a condition -"  
“ Ill get you a drink . you want one Abby?" she nodded "Wait there“ wymack ordered Aaron " I mean it . stay put until i get back. Ill get you home "  
" I can get myself home. Im not a kid  
the woman smiled at him softly "im Abby . how can I help today"   
"you cant .Ive got CP . " he said gruffly . " you cant fix that." she should understand if she was a nurse . Aaron generally disliked nurses .Hed encountered far too many already and he found them patronising and overbearing but at least he didnt have to explain things to them. However this Abby had a calm disposition that made him more inclined to talk to her then he usually would be  
" Guess he feels guilty for knocking me over . or he wants me out the way . Ill go just home . my brother will be worried " he wasn't sure if that was true but he liked to think it was. perhaps at least nicky might wonder where he was .  
"wait a minute. you may as well take the lift if its offered. "abby said gently "No harm in that"  
"i am capable of walking; why dont people think I can? "  
"want to talk to me?"  
"Not really? " said Aaron " you cant do anything for me "  
" Maybe I can. you know I work with the foxes? " Aaron hummed " A little bird told me you and your brother want to join" abby informed him  
"who told you that?" he asked " was it kevin ? he promised me - but then he said - we - " he sighed " people say such stupid things to you when youre disabled . Not just insults neither . the stuff thats supposed to be positive, yeah? like you couldnt let anything stop you, like you cant let anything get in the way of your goals . It does get in the way! It gets in the way of everything!. I used to want to be a doctor you know ." abby didnt give him the pitying look he was used to getting when he said that and he almost loved her then"im glad now that I that couldn't"  
"whys that ?" she asked . she seemed genuinely interested  
" They dont care about disabled people . they dont treat us like a person not really but like a fascinating creature to dissect. They dont care about you they care about how strange your brain is and how interesting that is to them. theyre all like that"  
"surely not all of them?"  
Aaron shrugged " never met one that wasn't. Oh dont tell me ,youre different . your sisters daughter best friends aunts granddad knew a disabled person one time . so you know exactly whats it like ? Thats exactly why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place because none of them do understand doctors nurses therapists. They dont get it .I wanted to be a doctor so kids like us wouldn't go through what we did. So theyd have someone who cared .someone who really understood not just pretend they could . Turns out its not just doctors who are like that. " abby didnt correct him  
" I did classics instead " he continued. he had the feeling he'd said too much but she didnt seem bothered  
" what did you lean in classics?  
"How to kill a man." he said stonily .  
Abby laughed lightly as if he was joking " I can help you " she said gently  
" I doubt it " He scoffed  
" I cant help you become a doctor , you know why dont you? "  
" yeah yeah fitness to practice and blah blah blah . No big loss . Theyre assholes .Dont you try to tell me any different"  
abby didnt argue but she stayed on track" - but there is something I can help you with . "  
"Youre not going to suggest me an arm brace are you because I swear to god -  
" I can help you play exy if thats what you want"  
" It is. Andrew does too he wont say it not out loud but I know him. I know he wants it just as much as I do- but we're not playing on no pity team that doesn't count for anything . None of that" everyone's a winner "bullshit me and Andrew want the same as anyone else"  
" I can help you play with the foxes"  
"Another false promise" .  
" Not at all. Trust me "  
" I dont trust medical professionals "  
"Then dont trust me as a nurse. trust me as Abby . I have a twin too . Amelia "  
" Let me guess a doctor is she ? the one i havent met yet and the very nicest most sweetest able bodied person anyone ever met. she kisses little crippled kiddies on the forehead and they stand up and throw their crutches away . one of those bitches that I hate "  
abby didnt react to that outburst " Amelia has cerebral palsy "  
" I dont know her if thats what youre asking . " Aaron sneered" we're not all on a spastic group chat. "  
" my sister Amelia is on the woman's exy tem "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is meant to be at that the same time as the previous chapter while andrew and kevin talk


	9. Chapter 9

When the phone was finally answered Andrew hissed "Is my brother safe? "in lieu of a greeting  
" Huh?" Neil asked  
"Aaron ,is he safe? Is he there? "  
" Aaron? hes here. Hes fine. do you want to speak to him?"  
"He is there ? Hes at home?" andrew sighed with relief and pushed bleak imgaes from his mind. Aaron was safe.  
"Yeah Hes here with us. why?  
"Something happened today. I - I needed to know . He didn't run away? Is he hurt? "  
"He did cry a lot ." said neil " but hes not hurt .Hes okay now “  
"Are you sure? Did nicky make him that drink he likes?”  
" your brother is fine . stop worrying about him so much"  
"worrying about him is my job ."  
"what about you? Are you okay?" There was a long pause " Andrew ? "Are you still there?"  
"come and get me. " Andrew said it was as near he could get to admitting he wasnt okay  
"All right . where are you?"  
" Tower roof"andrew murmured  
" you what? " the shock in neil voice was irritating "andrew - I -"  
"I wasnt going to jump . Fucking hell. I just wanted somewhere to think. come pick me up. I need to see Aaron"  
" why didnt you call Nicky ?"  
" He would ask questions . He would freak out."  
" okay . im taking the car . do think hed mind? neil asked  
"Just do it. " he ordered  
"They sat without talking for a while in the car until neil broke the silence." what where you thinking?" he asked not in a why would you do something so reckless way but like he actually wanted to know. "my brother. I can't always protect him .I'm no good if I can't protect him"  
"that's not true. you do the best you can"  
"it's not enough. I can't always stop him from getting hurt. "  
"You don't always have to"  
" Of course I do. He needs me"  
"He's going to get hurt sometimes. That's just life. You can't keep him away from that forever"  
"I can try" he said stubbornly.  
"He needs to grow. "  
" No. he needs to be safe. I promised him he'd be safe ""  
"you take good care of Aaron, but what about yourself ? "  
" what about me?" andrew frowned  
" Who takes care of you? "  
"I don’t need anything. I don’t need to be taken care of – I do that on my own"  
“ no you don’t – you don’t take care of yourself at all ."  
“ doesn’t matter about me – as long as my family is safe theyre what matters not me"  
It matters to me. You matter to me. " Andrew starred at him.  
who takes care of you Andrew?"  
"Nobody. "  
"and who am I? " asked neil with a wicked grin  
" Nobody. "  
" Exactly" 

When they got back he expected to find his brother still sad and wondered exactly what he was supposed to say . He hated the sight of aarons tears and wondered if that made him a bad brother. A good brother wouldve stayed to comfort him , wouldve know the right words to soothe his pain. andrew had left him to cry alone .  
To his surprise he found Aaron humming to himself happily as he stirred a mixture in a bowl that nicky was holding steady for him “ ‘ Drew! . “ he called running up to him and spinning him around on the spot  
“ Hey , what? “ His brother grabbed him and dragged him through the kitchen “Aaron ? "  
" See, I told you he was fine" neil said grinning  
“ you took a long time . " Aaron stated " you did go to your session didnt you?" andrew grunted "Is something wrong?“  
“ Not anymore. “  
“ Help me bake . “ he said grabbing on to Andrew “ Hold this a minute”  
“what are you so happy about? did i miss something? I thought you were still weeping over your broken dreams?”  
“im making us a velvet cake “ He announced “to celebrate”  
“ what are we celebrating? “ Andrew asked eating the offered spoon of cake mix to his brothers disgust “Not bad “  
“ ‘Drew! Get me a new spoon or no cake for you”  
Andrew fished a spoon from the sink “ Its your fake engagement to your made up girlfriend huh?”  
Aaron let the taunt slide for once "I sorted it.” He said cheerfully as he stirred cake mix with determination  
” what have you sorted Aar? "  
“ ‘Drew -we’re on the team- like officially! we are going to play on Friday. Isnt that great!”  
“We? You mean both of us?” secretly he had been hoping he could get of out it as long as Aaron got his place but he should’ve known aaron depended on him  
“ I wouldn’t do it without you , you know that “ Aaron was smiling so bright and it was hard to imagine now that a few hours ago he’d been sobbing. Andrew envied his brothers smiles bright and easy they appeared and disappeared just as Aaron willed them to never out staying their welcome or arriving at inappropriate moment. Aaron didnt conceal his rage nor sadness behind a grin. He had no need to do so. Aarons smiles were always genuine and Andrew almost hated them for it but naturally he preferred them to tears  
“ That is what you wanted ,isn’t it?” Aaron asked when he didn’t respond to his happy news “ For us to play together? “Andrew hummed noncommittally” Did I get it wrong?”  
Andrew didn’t want to lie but as to not dent his brothers good mood he said “you did a good thing . im proud of you . “ He decided not to tell aaron about his talk with kevin and let him to take the credit  
“ Me too “ said nicky “ im so proud of both of you. Youre going to be so great . they wont know what hit them”  
“Indeed not.” Andrew said  
“ will you come see us play ." aaron asked  
“ of course I will . I wouldn’t miss it for the world . I will be there every time. I promise” Aaron hugged nicky and turned to put his arms around andrew squeezing him uncomfortably tight . “ you didn’t take one of my pills did you? you know I was joking when I said you should? Tell me you havent "  
Aaron laughed " Im just happy . Aren’t you happy Andrew ? “ Aaron then asked him asked sensing his lack of enthusiasm  
“ im always happy ” he said gesturing to the ever present grin stretched across his cheeks  
“ No not that, I meant for real happy?”  
Andrew wasn’t in truth particularly enthralled with the prospect of playing exy with kevin and his abled minions but Aaron had such an expression of confidence and contentment on his face that he had to say “ yes I am for real happy. Now get off youre squashing me”

“ I told you you didn’t need to worry. youre brothers in a good mood"  
“ Disconcerting isn’t it? Don’t worry. itll wear off . Hell be back to his grumpy self in a day or so”  
“ hes just excited . its almost sweet. Almost .”  
“Not the word id use. Hes like me when im up high . grim."  
“ I don’t mind it ” neil said unconcerned “ He hasn’t yelled at me today . He even brought me a beer ” Andrew chuckled quietly at that “ what?”  
“ He wasn’t giving it to you . He just wanted you to open it . hes in there asking where his drink is. “  
“ Couldn’t you do that for him? “  
“ what makes you think I have fine motor skills ? ." said Andrew Aaron rushed in at that moment and handed neil a tin and tin opener with a silent imploring look “ all right “ he took the tin and opened it and Aaron turned and ran off with it “ youre welcome aaron “ he called after him  
“see what I mean ? Hes going to make you do that all the time now. youre the official opener of things"  
“That’s sounds like an important job . I better stick around then .”  
“ youd better. Im going to need your backing . Don’t you dare bail on me Josten ."  
“ So looks like youre going to have to play exy after all ?"  
“ Oh joy " Andrew groaned " I cant wait!"

"Andrew?"  
"what?"  
"Thanks" Neil said fondly  
"For what?"  
" you know you what you did . "  
"I dont know what youre talking about . I didnt know anything."  
"Im playing on friday too "  
" is that so? what makes you think that had anything to do with me?"  
"I can teach you how to lie better if you like ." neil teased him" youre not as mean as you want people to think you are ."  
"How dare you!" he unsheathed a knife in a threat that was only half serious at first until noticed how neil barely flinched at having the weapon close to his face. was it trust? or stupidity? or didn't he think Andrew would follow through on his threat ? this pushed his rage further and it suddenly wasnt a joke" I am not soft."  
"I didnt say soft. " neil said causally as if this still an ordinary conservation regardless of knife - maybe it was - for him .  
" I suppose you think im not a threat? - that im not dangerous? because of my legs or my height or - you dont think I capable?"  
Neil rubbed his back gently " I know you're capable . I know youre strong and I know youre ruthless but I also know you care about people."  
"Its just my family . my family are different .I look after my own"  
"Am I in your family now? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im going a bit mad with this one but its fun to write and im a bit unwell so i have time to write  
> if youre waiting for their game its coming up yay


	10. Chapter 10

“you don’t have to come with us " said Andrew stiffly  
“someones got to keep you out of trouble " nicky said brightly "try to anyhow"   
“we don’t need a babysitter . We can go on our own. "  
"Is that what you want?"  
" I want nicky to come " Aaron insisted  
" Dont be a baby. " Andrew said sneeringly "Cant you do anything by yourself? do you always need someone to hold your fucking hand? "  
"They dont like me -" said aaron timorously  
"They dont like me either. so what? "  
"Renee likes you . you have a friend and I dont . I want Nicky to come "  
" well he doesnt want to come ." andrew spat at him  
" yes I do. " said nicky gently  
'" you'll only get bored . " andrew insisted  
"I wont. I want to see how you do ."   
"you dont even like exy"  
“ I want to support you. Don’t you want me there ? Is that it? what if I promise not be embarrassing?"  
“Nobody else is bringing their family ." said andrew flatly trying to show as if this fact didnt bother him but it was clear that it did." we'll look weak . theyll treat us like children."  
“ Then show them youre not . I wont stop you . you know that " andrew nodded . "your shoes are undone " nicky prompted gently and Andrew sat down and let him lace them for him "are we going now ?."Aaron asked impatiently  
" one moment . youve got your shirt buttoned wrong. Let me fix it for you "Aaron blushed but didnt object as nicky he refastened the garment. Neil marvelled at the easy love that existed between the three of them . The way Nicky was prepared to help them with all of those small things and the way the placidly let him whereas he was sure they would not let anybody else. No one in his life up to this date he cared for him so thoroughly and so gently . 

Aaron ran ahead in excitement not looking back at how his brother seemed to be struggling. Neil had seen andrews uneven limp before but he seemed to be worse today . he was shocked at the way walking a few step seemed to exhaust andrew .  
"Are you all right ? " neil slowed down to match andrews halting pace  
"fine". he said gruffly " Just a bit stiff . nothing im not used to"  
nicky had gone ahead to help aaron who had tripped over going too fast on the downward slope. " take it easy now. this isnt a race " nicky warned pulling him back up and waiting for andrew and neil to catch up . 

 

“ Are you sure youre up to this? " nicky asked him noticing Andrew's struggle " Its okay if you aren’t . I can take aaron down with me . you can go back and watch a film or something? aaron wont mind"  
"Yes he will."  
" its okay to have limits . nobodys going to think any less of you ."  
“ I don’t think they possibly could think less of me than they already do " andrew said  
"I dont mind staying with you if you need " said neil softly his finger brushed lightly against andrews in invitation  
"Dont be stupid."  
“ if its too much for you Andrew … "  
“ Hes coming . " said aaron firmly "aren’t you ? “ Andrew nodded . “ we're going to together, so come on . were going to be late  
“ we are not going to be late " said andrew wearily  
“ we will if you keep walking that slow "  
“ and how fast do think I can move huh? "  
“Faster than this"  
“ nu uh .this is it. This is top speed"  
“ stop lying 'Drew. I know you can go faster." Aaron grabbed his hand and tugged him along after him as he spirited along "Aaron be careful . youre going to fall again."  
“ Am not! 'Drews going slow on purpose! " he anounced as he pulled andrew forward. from the look on andrews face at that moment nicky knew that had this been anyone else but Aaron they wouldve already been stabbed multiple times by now  
! I don’t think he is. I think your brothers having a hard time today."  
“ they wont wait for us if we’re late . they wont wait ." Aaron said rocked by the fear that they would left behind at the last moment  
“ Aaron you need to calm down okay? We’re going to get there ."

Reaching the bus had been more of a trial than Andrew would've liked but he was soothed by the fact that nobody apart from neil had seen .  
"andrew...?"  
" Dont you dare ask if im okay again." he panted neil closed his mouth obediently. Then there was of course a second trial . actually getting on the bus. He already knew by now that today would be a bad leg day. it was typical that it would be today of all days that his legs decided they wanted a break from functioning . Aaron obvious to discomfort got on first and disappeared up the steps and neil followed him afterwards . despite claiming he wouldnt mind staying he seemed as eager as his brother was to get on the bus.  
" go on first" he told nicky "I might take a minute ."  
"you want me to help you?" his cousin asked . he shook his head. nicky knew better than to argue with him and climbed up the steps 

Andrew managed to clamber up the first step into the bus from the pavement. He wobbled awkwardly and reached out for something to hold on to and pulled his weaker leg up. He stayed still for moment before embarking on the second stair. His leg felt sore and stiff and pain pulsed down from his hips. This was definately not a good leg day. He got his stronger leg onto the second step with relative ease but the other twisted the wrong way and he gripped the handrail to stop himself from falling down. ” go help him" murmured somebody but no one moved  
“Andrew?” Neil called getting up from his seat “need a hand?"  
"Just give me a minute "he grunted. Pulling himself back up from the awkward position took several deep breathes and stepped back down onto the first step again.” wrong way “said someone jeeringly. He gritted his teeth and and moved his stiff leg to the second stair and swung his good leg up next to it. He tried not to show the amount effort that this took. One more step. He considered the options. After a moment he decided he didn’t care what they thought of him and used his hands to steady himself and crawled up on the last step. He was now on the bus. He sighed . Somebody clapped sarcastically. He ignored it. He stood up and limped over to where his family had taken up residence at the back of the bus "what was that!" said Aarie cheerfully giggling  
that was me getting on the bus “  
" God you’re really milking it 'Drew"  
"what are you on about?" neil asked  
"you know he’s putting it on? . " said aarie" He’s not that bad at stairs"  
"Not usually. My legs aren’t cooperating today”  
“Oh. you werent -/ I thought - Andrew-" his face then contorted into a mask of guilt and worry  
"Don’t look at me like that. You’re as bad as the rest”  
“I’m allowed to be worried about my brother aren’t I? why didn’t you say anything?"  
"you wanted me to come”  
"We don’t have to go" said Aaron hastily conforming aaron going without him was not an option. " its - its just a stupid game anyway"  
" It isnt . not to you. You deserve this. Don’t worry about me."  
"you’re my brother. You should tell me these things."  
"it’ll ware off. Or I can just watch. Renee can cover for me"  
"No. We’re doing this together or not at all”  
“Aaron honestly I don’t care that much”  
“ Do you want us to go home? You can say if you do?" Aaron's lip trembled . He didnt want to go home.  
" I do not need to go home" he said stubbornly  
"Do you think he should go home” Aaron turned to Nicky. Andrew looked pale and tired but Nicky didn’t think Andrew would back out even if he broke both his legs . nevertheless the pain he’d seen on Andrew’s face his obvious exhaustion after only a short walk and a few stairs frightened him. “I think that’s up to him.  
"I am quite capable of sitting on a bus" said Andrew  
"-but if you’re-"  
"I said stop it."  
"okay.”Aaron chewed his lip  
“you wouldnt go home if it was you"  
" I know " he said quietly  
Andrew fished a bag of gummy worms from his backpack and began to stuff a load into his mouth.

"Have you got his his dose?" kevin asked Aaron about half an hour later  
Aaron popped a white pill out from a packet in his pocket and held it to andrews lips. neil saw him murmur something in his ear before andrew nodded and took the pill. He stuck his tongue out to show the others he had taken it. The others seemed statisfied with this and Andrew ate a few more gummy worms before propping himself up against the window and closing his eyes.  
" Is he okay? neil asked looking between nicky and Aaron and then back at the sleeping andrew .  
" Let him sleep. its easier for him. "  
"I know he hates being high but its the middle of the day?"  
"Its less painful for him if he sleeps it off."  
"Painful?"  
"I thought he told you . you being so close and all."  
" Told me what? " Aaron looked at nicky he nodded .  
"Its a secret ." he breathed " you cant say anything."  
"I wont " neil readily agreed without knowing what it was he agreeing to.  
"Have you heard this song?" said Aaron loudly holding an ear phone to him and beckoning him further in with a finger . Understanding he leaned in closer to Aaron . " aaron looked around . no one was really paying attention . most had headphones on and all were a few rows ahead of them at the back " aaron decided it was safe enough and whispered 'Drews not high. hes in withdrawal "  
" - but that would mean-? "  
"Hes off the medication " Aaron confirmed.  
" Are you serious?"  
"He wanted to be sober for our first game . He acts like he couldnt care but he does . he wants to feel it the way we do."  
"I saw you give him a pill? " neil said puzzled  
" Painkiller . " Aaron whispered  
"Are you sure thats a good idea?"  
" Its what he wanted. Its his body. he should get to choose ."  
"who knows about this?"  
" Just me and nicky- and you -if he wants us to dose him we will - but not until he asks. Its just for today . you cant say anything . Just let him have today."  
" he doesnt seen right"  
"He has other problems than this . we'll play until the half time and then he'll dose up and we'll be on the bench .  
" What if he cant make it until half time? what then?  
"Andrews strong and hes not stupid . He knows how much he can take. Its not the first time hes done this "


	11. Chapter 11

Andrew rubbed the side of his head and winced while no one was looking . Not That he would ever admit it but being here was one of places he would least like to be right now. Honestly he would rather be in bed . The bus right had left him queasy and his feet already felt sore His head felt like someone was hitting it repeatedly with a hammer and he felt curiously feeble, as if he were boneless. There seemed to be no strength left in his body. He dragged his bad leg along a zombie . He knew physically speaking he would feel better if he took the tablets but doing so would be weakness on his part. It would mean giving in. Andrew despised weakness most of all his own of which he was constantly made aware of .He had made this choice . Both choices . One to come with Aar and play that evening and the second to do so without the aid of the medication . Andrew was not in the habit of changing his mind.  
He looked around for where his brother had disappeared to 

" Aaron " kate squealed towards him and putting her arms around his neck  
His face lit up like a Christmas tree "kate! I didnt know you were coming "  
"Aaron?” said the another cheerleader “so this is your Aaron. Then one your always talking about?" br /> "yeah it’s him." she said happily  
"I heard a lot about you" said kates friend flatly  
"All bad I guess” Aaron smirked  
“And all true” Kate joked she smiled big and bright “but I love you anyway ”  
“he doesn’t seem like your type though” said her friend frostily  
“what do mean by that?” said kate defensibly pulling him in closer still.  
“well.. You usually go for guys who are.. A bit more...”  
In response kate leaned in to kiss Aaron but he pulled away. she gave him a questioning look  
" you dont need to be shy. you know I love you" she murmures  
" im not ... its not that ... Its..we cant." said Aaron desperately " Not while my brother is here."  
" Oh , your brother is here? well, I dont see him" Katelyn teased "Ive never seen him. Are you sure you even have a brother  
"Of course I do!" Aaron protested blushing "If I made him up he'd be less of a pain in the ass "  
"He has a brother all right . " said her friend " You know about Andrew, right?" kate frowned and the second cheerleader turned to aaron " is it true? what they say about him?"  
"I dont know " said Aaron coldly " what do they say about him?"

Andrew found Aaron talking in hushed tones to some cheerleaders. one was holding his brothers arm, the bad one. she had her hair in a long ponytail down her back secured with a scrunchie. she was taller than he was but not by very much. The other said stonily I heard he killed a man once” to Aarons cheerleader

“ well, that’s obviously not true” said Aaron stiffly “that’s a ridiculous thing to say”  
“Are you talking about me? ” said Andrew suddenly appearing beside his brother. The girl paled and looked at the floor "It’s just.. what I heard… From other people." she stammers . The one holding Aaron leaned into his side hiding her face.  
“Its not true by the way. I never killed a man”  
“oh.” she mumbled “right. of course ,I’m sorry. It’s just.. Obviously it’s a ridiculous story"  
"It was a woman” Andrew stated which made her pale even further  
“He’s joking” said Aaron hastily.  
“I’m not. ”  
“Andrew! ” Aaron said exasperated  
“Are you bothering my brother?” andrew asked her ignoring him "I hate when people do that ."  
“we were just talking.” said the girl .she looked at Kate for back up but Kate was just looking nervously from Aaron to andrew and the knife in andrews hand  
“ Just talking yeah? Well don’t” said Andrew "And you , get you hands off him" - Aaron come on" he called his brother . Aaron wavered a moment instead of following him which was odd. " why have you gone so red? " he inquired "Did she say something to you?  
"No .. I .. just the usual .. its fine " he brushed it off .  
" Its lucky for you im here."  
" yeah .. " he huffed " .. lucky ... "

Andrew helped Aaron into the body armour knowing he couldnt do it one handed and would let no one else near him.  
" You smell of sweat. " Andrew told him bluntly  
"so do you " said Aaron angrily  
" - but im sick! cough cough . "  
"No one is making you do this Andrew - if you dont want to then - "  
" Do you want arm guards or not? " Aaron held his arms out.  
"Remember we used to play together ? Just me and you? " he said  
"You know I do " Andrew retorted  
"You liked it when it was just us, didnt you ? Just you and me and against the world?" andrew said nothing  
"you dont have to worry about me" br /> "Who says that I am worried?  
"I wont use my bad arm when I play okay ? Just the good side ."  
"promise me" he said in barely a whisper  
" I Promise ."  
Aaron sighed "will you do you my shoes as well? " he asked after weighty pause  
" No, I thought id just let you play bare foot ."Andrew replied cheerfully " Didnt you know its the hip new thing these days . Its what the ravens do"  
" No it isnt!"  
"It might be . you wouldnt know " he said guiding his brothers head up " Dont look at the ground . Dont be ashamed . without us theyre not a proper team . They need us to be here. remember that”  
Aaron nodded " nobody going to touch you andrew  
" Oh for christs sake . he said . " you think im so fucking vulnerable?"  
" im just saying . youll be all right in goal."  
" I know that . I know .  
"Its just that today you seem so ...  
"So ...what exactly? pray tell"  
"Doesnt matter . " aaron shrugged knowing he wouldnt get andrew to confess "after we win im getting drunk " he announced instead  
"Im getting so much ice cream ."  
" Play like i know you can and ill buy you all the ice cream you can eat " Aaron offered  
"shameless manipulation " Andrew hummed  
“you can do it I know you can. We can . We can win.  
"maybe nicky will get me a hotdog" andrew mused . The thought of food temporarily distracted him from the aches and pains of his body . he wondered how long the distraction would last though . it was never for long . The helmet and body armour were bulky enough to hide the effects of his withdrawal so the rest wouldnt know . 

he strode onto the court sometime after Aaron had . He ignored everyone including the redhead who kept sending inquiring looks his way . neil approached him after realising his looks were being purposely ignored  
"Hey"  
"Hey yourself " andrew murmured  
"youre not wearing your ... things" he gestured to Andrews legs clad in shin guards only.  
" calipers ." he correctly coolly  
" why not? dont they help your legs?"  
" its not your business Nathaniel"  
"right. - its just nicky said that they keep your legs in the right position and  
"Theyre sweaty . " andrew said wearily " and i cant bend well wearing them . and they dont fit in these shoes . They wont fit in any shoe . useless fucking things.  
neil nodded like he understood. " As long as youll be comfortable . " he eyed andrews legs both twisted inwards feet pointing at each other " Doesnt that feel strange? Does it hurt?"  
" It feels normal. This is normal for me. This is how my legs are." he smiled " remember that chat we had about not asking personal questions , hmm"  
" im worried about you thats all . "  
" im indestructible, me . Worry about my stupid brother . or kevin . "  
" Theyre not you "  
" Theyre not. " Andrew confirmed.  
"Is kevin part of your family ? " neil asked  
"He used to be." Andrew admitted.  
" until?" neil prompted  
" He chose them over me "  
"I ..I ... "  
I would never do that neil wanted to say but it felt too much.  
He stopped and started again " I'll see you later on . okay?  
" weirdo " Andrew teased him. 

Dan called them to warm up laps . she paused over Andrew who was nursing a bottle “what are looking at me like that for ?“ he growled. “ its water “ she tapped him gently on the shoulder. " - you can just do one lap, okay . " andrew gave her a grin that was all teeth and no warmth. “right you are” she frowned as he lumbered behind the rest .  
“ I don’t mind taking over in goal for a while if you need a rest “Renee offered quietly as he reached her  
“ I wont need a rest “ Andrew told her. “ I could this in my sleep “ he indicated his brother “you watch him for me . Hes going to give himself concussion ill bet ”  
"I'll do that " Renee agreed  
He held a hand to his head. it felt like it was going to explode, He moved slightly to the left so he would be directly in Aarons path when he came running back . “Hey! “ Aaron said as he crashed into him knocking them both over “ what'd do that for asshole? “ he stopped as andrew reached for him ," ...somethings wrong isn’t it? Tell me ?"  
“ I cant “ he panted  
“you can tell me. You can tell anything. I wont be shocked"  
“ I cant “ he hissed frustrated “I cant make it .you need to help me"  
“ Okay . “ he agreed pulling him up “ okay."  
He herded Andrew into the toilets “are you sure? “ Andrew flung the helmet into the corner and he stood there gasping. His fingers were white as he clutched the sink and retched . “ Don’t say anything “ he grunted.  
“ I didn’t . I wont .” Aaron pressed the bottle into his trembling hands . Andrew opened it and took one and then downed the rest of the water from the bottle and filled up again from the sink . he splashed some of it one face and then sank down and stayed slumped on the wet floor “ This never happened “ he declared " Go away .”  
“Arent you coming ?“ Aaron asked “ Should I get Abby? should I ask Renee to – “  
“I said id do it and I will. Just run along . Nothing happened, okay? “  
Aaron retreated back several steps but stayed the room watching him “ Andrew I dont think- ;"  
“Go. away. “ he said low and dangerous and his brother disappeared from the doorway 

He returned the pitch several moments later just as the game was about to commence. He pretended nothing was wrong and deliberately avoided Aaron's gaze  
“ where'd you go " said kevin catching him  
“ bathroom that’s all . " he shrugged " Thats allowed, isnt it ?"  
“ with your brother ?"  
“ Hes nervous" he quipped " you know what hes like with crowds"  
“ I don’t believe that "  
“ Believe what you want . makes no difference to me"  
“Is something going on? you need to tell me right now if you -"  
“im here aren’t I ? we all got what he wanted . whats the problem here  
Kevin sighed “ Did you warm up at least  
“ Enough” he said with shrug  
“Fine. Good luck"  
“ I don’t need luck “he said 

The racket was long but holding it was the easy part for him . Aaron held the racket in his right arm and held his other arm curled up. Kevin had tried to show him easy ways to grip with his weaker hand but aaron as usual preferred to simply not use his other arm .  
Andrew held his in both hands ready for the swing. The problem for him would be balance so he had to pay attention . he had to be ready. He moved his legs into a potion where he could not easy fall or at least he hoped not and surveyed the court. Unless he was needed to block a shot to the goal. he need not move too much and he could keep an eye on his family and they scurried back and forth . He wondered whether he could risk sitting down . it had just started and he was already bored . perhaps it was the drugs . They made everything dull At least the thumping pain in his head had subsided and he felt less dizzy He wondered if it was if he was going to get his hot dog .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used symptoms of when I dont take my own medication for this even though its a different thing but thats how i can understand it

**Author's Note:**

> So I am disabled and a lot of this is based on my own experiences of disability and ableism


End file.
